Little Mole (second draft)
Clément Marot and Mark L. Irons
13 February 1999
Little mole
In your hole,
Darkness hide.
4 Why reside
In this cell?
When you're well
Come with me.
8 Soon we'll flee -
No delays!
Through long days
Don't stay pent,
12 Resident,
Hid away.
End your stay;
Let's go mine
16 Stone divine,
Gems and ore.
There is more
Work to do.
20 Must you rue
Hands that glow?
Vanquish woe;
Rather, dig -
24 Zag and zig -
Tunnels deep.
Darkness keep
Cloaked your soul,
28 Little mole.
Notes
This version conforms much better to the original poem's phase difference between semantic and rhyming groups.
Line 6 doesn't fit the tone of the rest of the poem. Rather than actively exhorting recovery, it passively waits for it.
Line 19 brings the Mohelmot work ethic into the poem. Work = mining = holy activity.
"Rue" is a good word on line 20. It and line 21 are a reference to the "New Hymn" lines
Let them not have pride but instead a soul
That can see the shame of the hands that glow.
Line 23 needs a more emphatic transition. It would be good if it could relate to "Hands that glow", as well.
Last updated 8 June 2000
http://www.rdrop.com/~half/Creations/Writings/Poetry/LittleMole-SecondDraft.html
All contents ©1999-2002
Mark L. Irons
Previous: First Draft ··· Next: Third Draft